The lights aren't all on

The lights have gone out across South Oxford Business Park. This is not a sad tribute to a missing co-worker, just a statement of fact – somehow, half the lights (that’s right, half, not all, of the lights) in each of at least 8 buildings are apparently connected in some way as they all just ceased functioning about an hour ago. There’s been assorted reactions – some have decided to ‘work from home’, some have opted for squinting a lot and casting envious looks at the few of us who are lucky enough to be seated near windows, and there are the inevitable few who are stumbling around the dark half of the office waving their hands in front of the light-triggering movement sensors, poking the light covers in the ceiling and theorising about what’s caused it.

In the middle of all this, the guy who sits a couple of desks away from me has been posting selfies on SnapChat and trying to persuade a number of colleagues to join him and the receptionist on a night out. The fact that everyone in a (usually very) sociable office is refusing point blank should tell him something. As should the fact that several members of the senior management team routinely blank him in conversations (genuinely not bad manners, his contributions are usually total balls). From the way he behaves I was genuinely surprised when I found out he had an actual paid job. I’d assumed he was some sort of departmental mascot.

Recent examples include:

“I, like, live on SnapChat, I’m always posting selfies on there” (from work)

(To a stressed manager trying to find out if someone had a meeting room booked or if she can kick him out for an important conference call) “I could, like, get heavy on his arse for you?”

“Ohh, are the lights still out? Wow, it’s like in the days of… Erm… Gone by”